So drunk its hurt
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Shame - the story of my life.
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