there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
