You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
