Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
