So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
