Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
