i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
