He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
