Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
