I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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