i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
