Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
