yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
