I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
