The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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