yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
