You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
