You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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