Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
