Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
