sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
