I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
