why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
