i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
