Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
