I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
