separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
