I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
