Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
