Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
