So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
