Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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