Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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