The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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