I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
