I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
