heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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