Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
