I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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