hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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