Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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