got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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