Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
