That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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