you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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