STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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