There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
