Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
