"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
