can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
