took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
