Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
