Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
