Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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