Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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