I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
