Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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