I'm lost and stupid without you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
