ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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