Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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